Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Summer Musings.














It has been a mild summer by North Indian standards,
almost cool.

There was a fierce half week of forty five degree
centigrade burning noons

which dissolved into cool duststorms,
thundershowers and
flash summer rains

late in the week.
The campus where we live is lush green and

exploding in a riot of summer colours. It is
a wooded area actualy belonging to an earlier forest
which covered

most of the city in the long past.
Yellows and reds dominate
over the

landscape, the Amaltas trees common in these regions
resplendent in

their golden yellow flowers matched by the Red of the
KrishnaChuras

GulMohars and the yellow of RadhaChura.
The campus is quiet and silent

without the usual hustle and bustle.
Its summer vacations and although

the institute functions teaching is suspended.

Another full night out, of playing with the arcane
mathematical symbols of

theoretical physics which are supposed
to represent the
reality of existence.

Its unlikely that these mere symbols can
grasp the jewel of

existence but they are beautiful in their own way.
Just another

element of the unreal we call reality,
but a beautiful one nonetheless.

Early dawn somke wisps blow away into the cool wind.
It had rained

last night and the earth of my garden is dried yet
cool to the touch.

Family is asleep in their warm security.
What calls in my mind and I

am distraught and lonely. Long cycle ride
down winding avenues of trees.

Morning suns first rays touch the yellow of
the Amaltas and
explode into an

ethereal golden half light.
Breath catches with so much
beauty to know

that all of life is impermanent.
Last year was pain and
suffering some

old Karma. Everything went wrong
starting with a loss
of a dear one.

Nothing worked not even of what
was absolutely certain.
Such is life

and it was a learning experience
to add to the wisdom.


Yet things change, just like that
in the new year it
has been a blast,

an explosion of feverish excited
activity covering
a beautiful and new

research area of hot excitement.
The excitement keeps me
awake night

after night. Its connected to a new
idea we have in our
research area

and now after several months of work
we can just see a
glimmer of an

exciting structure slowly emerging.
The excitement of chasing
these
structures is just too much
and I am distraught and
restless with it.


Last six months all through the
preceding semester
it has been
enormous effort from
three of us.
Although we were unable to realy

exploit the full significance of our idea
for the first simple system

where we applied it, we have some
interesting results.
We are now trying
out a second system
in which we believe
we would be able to explore

our idea in a much better way.
So its wonderful now.
Mostly all that I

had lost last year has come back
doubled except the
pain of the loss.

Life is again like this,
ever changing like the flowers
that bloom everyday in my garden

and fall.
Mornings are relaxed in the study
of a wonderful thermodynamics book by a

Hungarian called Laszlo Tisza interrupted
by occasional
chats with friends
over email.

Long afternoons surprisingly cool,
post lunch a small
chat with friends

and then with my son teaching.
Exasperation and impatience with

Samsara. I snap at him and then remember
to keep my patience.

Evenings in the swimming pool right
at the edge of the campus.
All
around are vast open spaces
and the limitless evening
sky already
darkening and
shimmering in the watery depths.
Fluorescent haze of

overhead lights and the water and
the sky are one.
Water is not a good

medium for myself, a Gemini which is
an air sign.
I feel light unstable and often

awkward in my balance. Slowly getting
to grip the basics
of the water.

Children and laughter all around.
Samsara in full flow.
How pathetic

that all these too are passing yet
how real also.
Beauty is in the

ethereal impermanence of all forms
physical and mental.


Late evening we return starved from
swimming, the
night air cool and fragrant.

Temple bells in the distance brings
the night to attention.
Then its back to

the office till midnight. Excited
discussions with

my research students steal a moment
for tea, snacks and a
chat with friends.

Midnight moon hangs clear in the night sky,
as late night
smoke diffuses

into the cool air in the cycle ride back home.
Campus is silent and the
halogen lamps
are weary sentinels
of the night. Breeze blows the

fragrance of some half forgotten flower.
Suddenly on the

path a brown rabbit, common in these areas.
Both of us are startled,
its eyes
shining in the light.
I stop and it bounds away to freedom.
Often when

returning in the night I am
confronted with NilGais
a member of the deer

family steel blue in colour and
very shy.
The males are dangerous in their

mating season when they are in rut.
They are big animals with horns and will

charge in their enraged mating states and
may cause serious injuries.


Its back home, shower and a TV Dinner.
Family is fast asleep

and still my excitement shows no signs of abating.
Many ideas jostle for attention

in my tired mind. Yet another night, I dont now.
All unreal in an impermanent universe.

Who am I ? Finally sleep ends all the questions.






2 Comments:

At 14:57, Blogger ruth said...

Refreshed by honesty, the current of dazzlingly brilliant mind chasing the elusive thought.

 
At 04:59, Blogger gautam said...

Thank you for your appreciation Ruth
:-)

 

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