Saturday, April 21, 2007

Kathy's Song: Spring Rain.

The scorching North Indian Summer is already here. The early days of Spring
when the last cool touch of the departing winter was still upon the breeze are
already over. Now the fierce sun has burnt out all the tender feelings of the
start of spring and I face again the stark reality of my life bared by the harsh summer sun. Yet it was wonderful to just float in those tender and soft moments of a strangely beautiful fantasy brought on by the softness of the beginning spring. For many years now that the ruthless and unforgiving demands of a life had stifled all these wonderful
feelings. Yet strange are emotions, they never die even with neglect, pain, suffering,
struggles, desperations, anguish, despair and agony. They remain muted and silent
just to find that right moment of clarity in the chaos and darkness. When suddenly a
a clear light of a beautiful dream lights up ones world.

Yet one knew with ones instincts that suffering and pain are always part of the light of true beauty. The ever undulating coils of pain and suffering lay hidden in the beautiful unreal dream. They were sure to follow and of course they did. Waves and waves of pain and loneliness swamped my mind interpersed with moments of unworldly radiance. It was a silent dream of a beautiful fantasy and it played out its
bittersweet contents. It was an impossible dream of a sweetness that would never come to pass. Yet the tender, soft and wonderful moment it inspired were precious.
The moments of the unreal light burnt into my mind.

And now its all over, the scorching sun a reminder of life and reality like the
bittersweet morning after a pleasant dream which one hopes would never arrive.
But its the universal law that the morning always arrives. Who can escape it.
The pain and loneliness knots into my mind numbed by an undefined sorrow.
Yet all around all I could see was pleasant yet hidden in all that pleasantness is
an unearthly loss. How does one define the agony of losing a beautiful dream. Yet
dont we all know that dreams are just dreams and one always loses them with the
morning sun. Yet I am wistful and pining for what I realy did not know. All my mind knew was the lingering traces of a already half forgotten beauty of an unworldly light.
My pain dissolved in "Kathy's Song", the old wistful English folk song pining for Kathy
with her softly glowing light...............

I hear the drizzle of the rain
Like a memory it falls
Soft and warm continuing
Tapping on my roof and walls.

And from the shelter of my mind
Through the window of my eyes
I gaze beyond the rain-drenched streets
To England where my heart lies.

My mind's distracted and diffused
My thoughts are many miles away
They lie with you when you're asleep
And kiss you when you start your day.

And as a song I was writing is left undone
I don't know why I spend my time
Writing songs I can't believe
With words that tear and strain to rhyme.

And so you see I have come to doubt
All that I once held as true
I stand alone without beliefs
The only truth I know is you.

And as I watch the drops of rain
Weave their weary paths and die
I know that I am like the rain
There but for the grace of you go I.

And then the summer skies melted last night into soft spring rains washing away
my agonies. Like the compassion of the Buddha Avalokiteswara, the one who looked down in compassion and tears at the suffering of all existence, Samsara. Entwined
in the illusion of Maya we all are tetherd in the glittering jewel net of Indra (Indra-Jaal). From his tears was born the Buddha Maitreya the future Buddha now residing in the heavens of Tushita and will arrive to share the pain of Samsara.
The wind was wild as the spring rains cooled down the scorched earth and just
as in the song it was the memory of the radiance of the dream as I looked upon
the rain drenched streets. My pain dissolved and the wind was free again to roam like the inspiring breath of creation over all of eternity. Forever free.


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